The Staten Island Orange Girls (And Guys)

The Staten Island Orange Girls (And Guys)
4.27.09

As you all know, I have lived on Staten Island at a couple of junctures in my life. The whole island is a paradox. There's the unspoken element that controls everything that goes on throughout Staten Island -- and that no one needs to mention by name (and I won't here) and then there is what you see erstwhile. If you only went off what you saw visually on Staten Island, you would disagree. And I can see why.

I would estimate that 65% of Staten Island is Italian. A good 10% are Black, another 10% are Jewish and the rest is everyone else, Latino citizens, illegal migrant workers (taking what few jobs exist on SI, BTW) and people from everywhere else.

Amongst the younger set, there has been a disturbing trend the past ten years or so with this fascination with trying to look eternally tan. It's not just the girls, either. The guys are just as bad -- with their excessively-gelled spiked hair, douche shirts and in-your-face attitude. Personally, they don't bother me. Heck, a few of them were friends of mine when I was going to school in Brooklyn back in the day. No harm on my end. But I can see why they have such a reputation with the ladies.

The girls, however, are hilarious. Again, they don't bother me -- because again, some of them are friends of mine ha. But everything from the extreme accent "Staaaaten Oyyyyyland" (Staten Island) and the constant bitching and moaning about their terrible love lives (the running joke about SI chicks are that they all purposefully go after douches and then whine when they inevitably hurt them; since that potpulation of douches basically encompasses most of the guys on SI, this is a recurring theme, hence the joke) to the FAKE ORANGE TANS.

I swear nothing is funnier than seeing a girl who was a shade or two darker than PALE one day and the next she looks like the Tang Orange Juice mascot. Especially the ones who overdo it in the tanning bed and their skin gets tight and painful. Not to mention the ones who SPRAY on the tan. Sheesh. It's so embarrassingly fake (and unattractive) but yet they still do it.

And I'm still friends with some of them, so no harm to me. Ha.