Armageddon Drivers.

Livin and drivin in NYC, you encounter a lot of types of drivers. The rare type is the one that knows their role. In other words, if they know they're slow, they keep their asses in the right lane on the highway; or if they're slowin down the left lane, they move over accordingly. I'll give credit where it's due and say that most people have their signals on when they're about to turn and shit. In my trials and tribulations I have heard people bitch about Jew drivers, Asian drivers and women drivers as the three worst...with taxis and trucks following close behind them. However, I have come to the realization that this group of people grind my gears the most. The JESUS BUMPER STICKER DRIVER.

What's that you may ask? They tend to be the Sunday driver (in other words, people who act as if they're the only people on the road doing 20 in a 35 and in no particular rush to get anywhere unless it's to church). However they drive like this every day of the week and that's not even the most annoying. They have messages strewn all over their car "JESUS IS COMING REPENT OR PERISH", "IT'S ALL GOOD, I GOT GOD IN CONTROL", "MAKE JESUS ONE WITH YOU", "BE READY FOR THE 2ND COMING OF CHRIST". Hey, I don't have an issue with one being proud of their faith, however...
1) Speed the fuck up or at least to the point where I can get to the next lane.
2) While I believe in God myself, people that don't and have to drive behind these people may go into a Satanic fit of rage...which isn't good for the rest of us.
3) Stop tryin to scare people with these messages.

I always wondered if I ever got into an accident with one of these people, they would hop out the car, sit down with me and then give me a 45 minute sermon about how everything happens for a reason and if I had let God in control of my car this accident would not have happened and it's my punishment. I'd give it 2-1 odds.

While I can't go around calling these people disgraceful because they are probably decent people...the way that they drive on these roads certainly are.

And so on

Toilet Humor

In honor of all the disease hype in the recent news, I thought I'd try to keep the blog current with the times. There is a serious epidemic going around (other than the Swine Flu) and it needs to be stopped NOW. Every now and again I'll be on a social networking site (Facebook, Myspace, etc.) and I'll see a female friend has new pictures, so I'll browse. I'll be flipping through her album and all of a sudden... without fail... BOOM! A picture of a girl on a toilet. WHAT...THE...FUCK?

Please, PLEASE, tell me why in the name of Jesus, Moses, Allah, Tom Cruise, whoever you pray to... would you EVER take a picture of someone doing their business (Let alone put it on the internet)!?

Not only does this violate any and all moral codes, but IT'S FUCKIN DISGUSTING. The bathroom is a sacred place where you can go do your biz in peace and private. It's the one place you do NOT under any circumstance compromise on boundaries, safety or cleanliness. Hell, if I go into a bathroom with no lock, it's like you can hear the "Jaws" theme in the background.

Even worse, there are pictures of girls eating/drinking while on the can! Lord have mercy and may fecal particles fall into your beer. If the plague ever comes back, I guarantee it's transmitted through college girls who take pics of each other on the john. There should be a site called 2girls1can to publicly humiliate bitches who take pics of each other in the lav.. in fact, I might start it.. get your popcorn ready.

You know that rumor about the guy who had sex with a monkey that started AIDS? Imagine BEING the rumor who started some other awful disease because you were eating a McChicken and drinkin your beer all while being documented dropping a deuce! People don't forget!

So the next time you think it'd be cute to take a pic of your friend on the shitter, please keep a few things in mind...

1. You are a disgrace, no question.
2. You might become the next big disease rumor, in fact... I'm calling it now, this is how Swine Flu, Bird Flu and SARS all started.. spread the word.
3. You will lose any chance at finding a real job after employers find you on 2girls1can.
4. Your shameful acts more than likely WILL land you on someone's blog.
5. This could be you!

Shameful at best, yuck!

BBW is Usually a Lie.

Disclaimer- this is an emailed entry sent to us by Marissa from Ohio.

I...hate..."BBWs". Hate them with every fiber of my being.

My issue isn't the size...or the fact that they're confident (because in a world where everyone is trying desperately to change themselves someone with confidence is refreshing)...it's the tacky ones who post the worst pictures anyone will ever see that make me want to go get my concealed carry license.
In no way am I implying that you have to be thin to be beautiful. That is a crock of shit and is easily dis-proven.
But here's my question: What makes someone think that this is even remotely attractive? No really I'll wait for an answer.

Perhaps these women are confused...because often they describe themselves as "curvy". Curvy implies that you have a decent sized chest, small-ish waist, and noticeable hips. Like an hourglass or a guitar. Curvy should not be confused for fat (which needs no definition). And I know that there are men out there who are chubby chasers and that's great because I do believe that there is someone for everyone. But telling these women that they're the finest thing on Earth and convincing them to pose half naked and look back at you so you can post it to the internet is just wrong.

I have the fear that all this "BBW" bullshit is going to lead to a REALLY unhealthy and fat generation sometime here soon. Acceptance and tolerance are great...but sugar-coating isn't. It's okay to be whoever you are but some women are taking this too far. They're letting this go from healthy self-love to an excuse to eat what they want and not do a single exercise a full calender year. They may start gaining a little and just call it "extra meat". Then they keep going and talk about how it's not a big deal. Then before you know it a chick who is 5'3" is pushing the two and a quarter mark and then decides that she's a "BBW" who looks like Janet Jackson. Not only is it degrading to you to have to lie about your appearance...but it's degrading to the person you lied to and tricked into taking you for coffee. Stop it. Please.

There is a such thing as big and beautiful. Especially when you keep your gahdamn clothes on. So here's my advice to my fellow girls who like cake and hate exercise: stop the damn posing half naked! And stop putting the shit on the internet for people to find and make fun of. You CAN be big and beautiful. Seriously. But be a classy lady like me.

...I am not a blogger...

Download of the day: "Break You Off" by The Roots. Old song...but for unknown reasons- especially unknown since no one is breaking this off...but I digress- I've been stuck on it for the last two weeks.

Fried Chicken & Watermelon

Fried Chicken & Watermelon
4.27.09

I never understood how these foods were supposed to be iconic and endemic to only Black people. Last I checked, both per capita (per person) and on the whole, White people consume more chicken (fried or otherwise) than anyone else. Same with watermelon. I know, I know, the minstrel shows and the Blackface mocking that took place years ago used both these foods as symbols of the "underclass"/animalistic nature that Blacks supposedly had, but sheesh.

The Obama stuff was laughable in that people are still resorting to those same tactics in order to make Black people feel inferior. Seriously, is that the best you've got? Shiver me timbers. Where are we at in society today that such tasty foods have made so many Black people feel like they're playing into some silly stereotype just by consuming them.

I suppose showing images of little kids eating porridge doesn't have the same effect, huh, does it?

Shame on you who still use these foods to denigrate Blacks.

The Staten Island Orange Girls (And Guys)

The Staten Island Orange Girls (And Guys)
4.27.09

As you all know, I have lived on Staten Island at a couple of junctures in my life. The whole island is a paradox. There's the unspoken element that controls everything that goes on throughout Staten Island -- and that no one needs to mention by name (and I won't here) and then there is what you see erstwhile. If you only went off what you saw visually on Staten Island, you would disagree. And I can see why.

I would estimate that 65% of Staten Island is Italian. A good 10% are Black, another 10% are Jewish and the rest is everyone else, Latino citizens, illegal migrant workers (taking what few jobs exist on SI, BTW) and people from everywhere else.

Amongst the younger set, there has been a disturbing trend the past ten years or so with this fascination with trying to look eternally tan. It's not just the girls, either. The guys are just as bad -- with their excessively-gelled spiked hair, douche shirts and in-your-face attitude. Personally, they don't bother me. Heck, a few of them were friends of mine when I was going to school in Brooklyn back in the day. No harm on my end. But I can see why they have such a reputation with the ladies.

The girls, however, are hilarious. Again, they don't bother me -- because again, some of them are friends of mine ha. But everything from the extreme accent "Staaaaten Oyyyyyland" (Staten Island) and the constant bitching and moaning about their terrible love lives (the running joke about SI chicks are that they all purposefully go after douches and then whine when they inevitably hurt them; since that potpulation of douches basically encompasses most of the guys on SI, this is a recurring theme, hence the joke) to the FAKE ORANGE TANS.

I swear nothing is funnier than seeing a girl who was a shade or two darker than PALE one day and the next she looks like the Tang Orange Juice mascot. Especially the ones who overdo it in the tanning bed and their skin gets tight and painful. Not to mention the ones who SPRAY on the tan. Sheesh. It's so embarrassingly fake (and unattractive) but yet they still do it.

And I'm still friends with some of them, so no harm to me. Ha.

The Flyin' Dorito Bitch.

See here's the thing. We all have our own preferences when it comes to chicks (or dudes) looks-wise. With that said, just because they "aren't your type" or you don't know them doesn't give you any right to just try and make em look bad. Some people try to play some slick shit which initially seems innocous but at the end of the day- is truly fucked up.

Saturday night, myself and a few of my boys were chillin on a rooftop just enjoyin the night shootin the shit and fraternizing with some new people (though you know me, I'm not a fan of the we need more wood for di fiyah cockfests). This Asian chick comes out with a bowl which apparently has Chips Ahoy and some Doritos and she asks my white friend if he would like to take one- which obviously he does. Myself and my black friend wanted a couple also but I guess she didn't notice this right away. I'm convinced this was deliberate. My black friend asks her if he could take one...but instead of her coming around with the bowl- she tries to THROW it at him like a flower girl at a wedding. You mean to tell me you're too lazy to continue your initially nice gesture and just throw a fuckin chip at my boy like he's supposed to show his skills or some shit? First of all the throw was horrible- it actually landed inbetween our lounge chairs...so I'm not sure what kinda message that's supposed to send? It ain't a jump ball for a fuckin chip. Needless to say, my black friend was none too pleased with this and nor shouldn't he be.

He gets up and walks towards their direction where they have the chips and he asks again for a chip. She apologizes now and goes "Oh I'm sorry that I threw the chip like that." Get the fuck outta here- don't try to save face when confronted, that's just a bitch move. She hands him a chip. Dissatisfied with this however, he asks if he could have some more and before she could answer he puts his hand and takes about 5 or 7 more. Rather than eating them though, he walks away with them and then just throws em on the floor ha. Poetic justice if you ask me. They didn't say anything (nor they really could).

This Asian outta be ashamed of herself and her actions; and for her peoples is quite honestly a Disgrace To Her Race.

And so on.

F Your Own Life

I don't know who invented this whole "Fuck my life!" phenomenon, but I sure wish I did (so I could beat them unmercifully). I got the whole premise behind it, running with a saying for when things turn sour quickly (usually in odd and ironic ways). Running a website for it that lets people anonymously contribute is amazingly idiotic. After the site was recommended to me, I read through a few and had nothing to say other than "bull shit." These are so fake, I stopped reading after the third or fourth one. Not only are they dumb, but completely unimaginative as well. A few examples:

"I woke up for school and was really tired! I fought through it and took a long shower, cleaned my room, got dressed, ate breakfast and all. Once I was ready to go I looked at my clock and it said 3:22 a.m! FML!"

C'mon now. For starters, how did you just randomly wake up and decide it was time to go? No alarm? I know I ALWAYS check my clock to see if I can squeeze out a few extra minutes. I know some people get up at 5:30 or 6 for school and all, but by the time you're ready to leave it's at least showing signs of light outside. How many people are really that unconscious about budgeting their time? Fake as all fuck.

"Today I was at the gym and my friend was at the water fountain. I walked by and gave him a man slap on the ass. Turns out it wasn't my friend, now I have a black eye! FML!"

Riiiight. So you casually ass slap your friends in public? Even assuming you did make this ridiculous mistake, someone would REALLY punch you over it? Jeez, how long did you think about this one, 5 seconds? I'd love to get kicked out of my gym over a mistaken ass slap so they can keep my money, revoke my membership and call the cops. Oh wait, that never happened, you're a lying sack of shit.

By now you've got my point, but it gets worse. Now the plague has spread to everything. Facebook, Twitter, you name it. Everyone puts up their status (as if more than 3% of your "friends" care) with their FML! on the end. As if their lives are really at all fucked up. It'll be like, "Pulling an all nighter for a test, FML!" or "Doing homework on a Friday night, FML!" To be honest, not only is your life not fucked, but I don't give a flying fuck. Please stop being an attention whore and looking for sympathy from others. You are a sad individual, dig a hole and bury yourself.

The Many Faces Of Men

The Many Faces Of Men
4.22.09

Actually, I only want to discuss two faces. Primarily because most living, breathing, heterosexual males (read: not these types who don't care to play NOR watch ANY sports). If you are offended by my saying that. GOOD.

Face #1

The "DAMN! LOOK AT THAT ASS!!!" Face.

The guys reading this are already nodding slowly in agreement. They know it well. It is a mixture of angst, pleasure, disgust, anger and other strong emotions. Basically, it is the same face one makes when they smell a particularly rancid fart, baby diapers or imbibe some bitter beer. It is a twisted mangled mess. Take a look: http://s560.photobucket.com/albums/ss48/esquire212/?action=view&current=2.jpg.

Face #2

The "YOOOO DID YOU SEE THAT NASTY DUNK?!" Face.

Frequently seen while watching highlights of Josh Smith, Dwight Howard, Rudy Gay or Shawn Kemp (in his Seattle days). The same face. The same contortions. The one difference: it seems that it is exclusive and endemic to the Black Male Species. It goes like this: http://s560.photobucket.com/albums/ss48/esquire212/?action=view&current=2-1.jpg.

The thing about these faces is that women know what they are in reaction to (given the respective scenarios). Dead giveaways.

Admit it. You either smiled or nodded or both at this post.

Public Decorum

Public Decorum
A True Disgrace To My Race

These are just random observations I've made from recent social excursions.

I am at the doctor's office about to get steroid shots like Mark McGwire, but then this guy (on a phone that looks like it came out in 2001, and seems like he thinks he has a brand new iPhone 4G or the latest Crackberry or HTC) gets on his phone and proceeds to talk LOUDLY in the doctor's office. Mind you, signs are posted everywhere to not use your cell phone in the lobby. Much less loudly. My mom and I sit there in utter embarrassment. I may have turned red, actually, but it's not like you would've noticed ha.

Never piss off a mother from the Caribbean. She will remind you of every social injustice that she and Black people in general http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGMlbTOnUpU.

One thing that draws my ire more than anything is to see a Black kid who comes from a home with two hard-working parents who gave them ample attention, provided for them plentifully and enabled them to go to the finest schools and afterschool programs go OUT OF THEIR WAY to act ignorantly, dress like they are from the slums (and front like they are from the 'hood). Yeah, go ahead and continue to perpetrate ALL the stereotypes while you're at it, bombaclaat.

There's nothing worse than eating at a fast food establishment nowadays. One of two things (or maybe both) are going to occur without fail. You are going to have a nasty attitude-ridden female ready to pop off if you order something that requires her to press the keypad too often and risk breaking her nails. The other thing, which for the LIFE of me I do not understand lately, is one in two guys at the fast food joint is gay. I don't mean down low, I mean LIBERACE.. Sylvester... Perez Hilton gay. And they are so bold as to try and hit on patrons. I darn near lost my desire to eat my warmed over Single Cheese combo after leaving Wendy's one day. What on earth...?

One last thing. This ain't the 70s. It's time out for these wannabe pimp guys -- usually in their 40s or early 50s with these BRUCE BRUCE-Electric colored suits strutting around at a club that is full of young women in their early 20s. Isn't there something wrong with that picture? Maybe they are part of the reason why women are choosing to date gay men http://www.theroot.com/blogs/hardline/are-black-women-choosing-gay-men or going to gay weddings or gay clubs. All to avoid guys like this?

WHERE ARE WE AT IN SOCIETY TODAY?!?!

The Politically Correct/Incorrect Parent.

Yes, I have decided to make a guest appearance on this bitch. You can check me out also on the R-Block Blotter.

Livin in NYC you run into many a mom who is either young as hell (yes, under 21) or they're straight outta the Caribbean school of thought (like mine was). Either way, the way they act towards their kids sometimes is straight wild. The thing is though, personally I ain't got a problem with it half the time- sometimes that kid needs to get his ass whooped, even in public. Your little boy or girl gets outta line, he/she need to know their role and shut their mouth and learn some respect. These kids nowadays don't get whipped so that's why they act the way they do...and we're all goin to the shitter because of it. Wahhh, don't hit your kid that's abusive...SHUT UP! Unless you're gonna hit your son with the Stone Cold Stunner or punch him/her in the face, who said there was anything wrong with the belt? Shit, I turned out just fine. I'm an advocate for whippin my child's ass at home but I'm sure my future wife (gotta be optimistic here) will say "No you can't do that you don't want to hurt him." Go call SuperNanny.

But then there are those times in which you're just makin a complete ass of yourself...or the kid makes an ass out of you and you just take it like you did (and that's why he/she's on this Earth). Kids are gonna whine and complain and don't know when to shut up (which is expected) but you got the firecrotch, sorry, hot-headed ones who let it get to them real quick and begin a humiliating (try this at home instead of on Jamaica Ave.) smackdown of this kid's rear end or arms, all in all yelling shit which they can't hear anyway because they're too busy crying. Back then it would probably be looked at and people just go "Yep, as you should" but now with the pussification of America they'll probably just shake their head or try to say something to the mother. As I said before I'm in the middle with this. You gotta be stern for sure but unless you need some self-respect also.

Then you got the kid who takes an inch and takes it all the way to the bank. He/She'll have fits for the ages but you do nothin about it because you don't wanna be perceived as this malicious, bad parent (this is true especially in areas where there are less minorities, since everyone wants to be viewed as a Great American Family where nothing goes wrong). You let him say shit such as "I'ma doo-doo on you" or "You freaking suck mommy, to hell with you" and all they do is do some gasp and say "How could you Timmy??" That shit don't fly in the hood. Or maybe it does, because the mothers cuss at the kids too- I mean what else are u gonna expect? Of course they're gonna do it back.

Depending on your school of thought this is DISGRACEFUL...or it may be tasteful.

And so on.

Fishin' in the Wrong Pond

In recent conversation with various women, they all talk about liking/wanting to go to particularly gay places. This is the literal use of the word gay, not the negative connotation. 

A young lady I know was saying how she and her friends enjoy going to gay bars. I asked why and what benefit could possibly come from this. She replied, "Girls like hanging out with guys who won't try shit." Now I don't know where in the man by-laws it states that you must try to fuck anything that walks, but I must have missed that section. To this, I say step your guy game up.  Stop hangin out with grimy/desperate guys with no standards. I'd say a good 80% of women I talk to I have no interest in ever touching, and I'm not some dude who never gets out or anything. I find it funny that the same girls will find it weird that lesbians will hit on them in such bars. You are there, you are a woman... it's a safe assumption you are probably gay. If you go into a gay bar or club and get hit on by someone of the same sex, that is on YOU.

Another lady told me that she'd like to attend a gay wedding (now that gay marriage is being legalized in some states). I can appreciate wanting to go to one of the first gay weddings for historical purposes, but what's the difference? You may now kiss... the groom? Woo hoo. I also find it particularly funny that people who told me they want to go to a gay wedding despise the thought of marriage themselves. That's just ludicrous to me.

These are not even the point of this edition of D2YR. The real point is, that each of these people (as well as others like them) have pulled the "It's so hard to find a man" card in my presence before. 

Now, not only is going to gay places counterintuitive to finding a man interested in you... it's completely opposed. If you're complaining about finding guys and then you don't want to hang around guys that "try shit," I have no words for you. If you complain about the quality of guys who approach you, then re-evaluate your image or try approaching a guy for once in your life. You don't have to put a smooth move on, but if you just start a conversation they will more than likely find confidence in that and show you interest in return.

Despite the fact that this applies to a gender and not a race, I'll allow it. If you only chill with gay dudes and avoid straight guys, and then complain you can't find a mate.. you are a walking damn SHAME. If I only chilled with lesbians and then complained I can't find a girl that meets my preferences, you'd say I was an imbecile too! Basically, put on something that isn't frumpy/yet says I'm not a slut... go out, and if you're not attracting the guys you want, then take some god damn initiative and start a conversation. If you are passive and wind up going home alone, that's on YOU. Guys have to accept this on a constant basis, it's time for y'all to learn! In life, sports, work, and everything else.. being aggressive for what you want is everything. Sit around and wait, and it ain't comin. So re-read this, take notes and shut yer god damn mouth about inability to find a good man. Disgraceful.

Disgraceful: New Ballpark Edition

This week I had the pleasure of visiting both new NY ballparks and in the midst of the wonder, I was inspired! So this edition of D2YR will revolve around the many despicable human beings you may run into at a major sporting event.

Censorship Police:

So at one point during one of the games, the home team had runners on and the score was relatively close. After being a few shots deep and gulping down an opening week beer, I say "Let's score some runs somehow, I don't give a fuck!" At which point a dude turns around at me, "Excuse me! I have my 9 year old daughter here!" Lord have mercy on your soul. You took the risk of bringing your 9 year old girl into Queens... at a major sporting event with New York fans... and it's late at night. Do you really think you're not going to hear/see any kind of profanity at all? Are you really trying to shelter her that badly? It's one thing to say to her "We shouldn't talk like that" or something along those lines, it's another to be all "Hey, everyone hold back your inner fan-hood because I elected to give one of my 100-200$ seats to a little girl who probably doesn't even give a flying fuck she's there. Why don't you take her to the Bronx and sit between the guy in the Buck Foston shirt and the angry foreign guy who only knows the words "Let's Go Jankees!" and "Fuck!" Please rot and die. 

Speaking of which, I'll also have you know that they make people with "offensive" shirts turn them inside out. What is this world coming to?

The Unnecessary Sore Thumb:  

If you live in an area with more than one local team, you know this person. I attended opening week at both the new Yankee Stadium and Citi Field only to be appalled at the number of people in the alternate team's gear. It's one thing to be a fan of the away team and support them. It's a whole different blasphemy to represent the other local team who isn't playing. I saw douchebags at Citi with Yankee gear, I saw assclowns at Yankee in Mets gear... please proceed to the promenade level and jump. Do you need attention this badly? Are you REALLY that proud of the team you root for that you have to let people know when they aren't involved? And really, I bet you were at home giggling like "He he he, I'm gonna stick it to all those fans and wear MY team's gear just because I am SO bad ass!" Chug some arsenic you fuckin slouch.

Where's Waldo?:  

I call this person where's waldo because they are so god damn out of place, they might as well be dressed like that child molesting candy cane with glasses. You have more than likely seen this person... you go to a game and you're baffled. Why is there a person in a Twins jersey at a Yankee/Indian game? The fuck if I know. For fuck's sake, did you roll out of bed and go "Shit, I don't have a jersey of either team... well, I'll be a baseball fan today!" Just bring your toaster in the bath with you... or did you think, "I need to show how proud I am of my completely out of market team!" I have no words for you, please die.

The 2 Pump Jump: 

No, there is no ejaculation involved... but almost. Basically, if you've ever been to a baseball game you have seen this person. Every fly ball that makes it out of the infield they jump up and scream like it's a homer. Yet if you ever judged a fly ball in your life, you would know the difference between a deep drive and a lazy fly. Do yourself a favor and go watch little league, at least you'll do wonders for the morale of the kids when you cream over their pop-ups.

The Faker: 

You have seen this person once or twice. Everyone knows certain teams DO NOT put names on their jerseys. Meanwhile, tons of douchebags come to the ballpark in their terrible fake jersey with a name on it. This is almost as bad as people who buy the cheap knock off NFL jerseys with the holes in the numbers. For fuck's sake people, the sewn on letters are only a little more.  I know it's a recession, but at least have some self respect!

All in all, if you can't show self respect at a ball game... JUST KEEP YOUR ASS AT HOME!

Can't Wear Skinny Jeans Cause My Knots Don't Fit..

This next post is for you, emo kid. You know, guys walkin around with a pair of jeans made for girls, a bright pair of dunks, a zip up hoodie and some band t-shirt.

For starters, who started the craze of buying girls jeans for dudes? Some guy just walked into his sister's room one day and said "mmm... these are cute, lemme try em on." Then he enjoyed the way his junk was packed in like sardines, so he told all of his friends? Cross-dressing has never been cool (sorry Dennis Rodman), people who do it either have identity issues or crave attention (or are legit insane). I wonder if most of these kids go out and buy their own girl jeans, or if they find a female in trust (sister, emo gf, mom, etc.) to go in and buy them or at least be a decoy. Now, there's even a skinny jean fad with rappers. Though, their 'skinny' jeans really aren't that skinny, pretty normal but for guys who have been wearing baggy clothes and saggin' hard all their lives.. I can imagine feeling confined. Regardless, there's a limit to how loose or how tight pants should be (for dudes). You shouldn't be able to smuggle anyone across a border in your pants and you shouldn't be able to detect the exact location of the man's goods. 

As for your bright pair of dunks... if you don't skate and can't even bother to match them with something you're wearing, just kill yourself. Especially if you just tried to pick the most absurd color combination that ever existed to draw even more attention to your already petty self. Ugh.

Your zip up hoodie and band tee are a staple to the emo wardrobe. You need a hood so you can drape it over your head in shame when people laugh at you in the street. The zip up feature also helps when people ask who the hell the band is on your shirt (because EVERYONE knows it's not a group anyone's heard of, that'd be too "mainstream"), or when they tell you that band sucks. Remember, if you wear a shirt that someone recognizes, has a brand logo, etc... you MUST be a poser like the rest of the "sheep" you tell everyone they are (bla bla bla corporate america... Shut the fuck up, take your speech elsewhere).

Needless to say, take your questionable haircut and possible eyeliner usage along with your emo wardrobe and wander onto a freeway somewhere. No question, you ARE a disgrace. Now go put on music about blood and such, cut yourself a little and have a good cry (as if you need a reason).

I Love the 80's

For the record.. No, I don't love the fuckin 80's. This show is a direct testament to what is wrong with the greater white demographic who still are young enough to party. Why in the hell is it when you go to any spot in the USA where young people might gather, you are destined to hear lame, played out 80's music? This music wasn't even this popular when it was first made, who in god's name decided it should be brought back? The sadder fact is, the vast majority enjoy it, embrace it and have no shame pumpin' their fist to it in 80's glory.

You know exactly the bullshit I'm talkin' about; "Don't stop belieeeevin'!" or "Liiivin on a praaayer!" What exactly are these songs even about!? Listen to the lyrics and then ask yourself.. who put these on paper and said, "Yeah, this is gonna be a classic!" 99% of people can't even name another Journey song. 

This "Bring back the 80's!" following is sickening at times. What was so good about the 80's that you would want to relive it? Half of young people were too young to even remember the 80's.. so why do they act like they were there in the crowd waving their zippo to shit like Def Leppard. Think about that a sec, someone INTENTIONALLY named a band Deaf Leopard, and then decided (on top of that) we're also going spell it wrong to be cool! None the less, young people everywhere put that fist up and scream "Pour some sugar on meee!" Disgraceful. Rejoicing to songs written by dudes with long hair, headbands and torn leather pants. For the love of god, please just let the 80's die once and for all (along with mullets, pet rocks, denim jackets and chia pets). 

If you find yourself partaking in such acts at any place or time, you may just be a disgrace to your race. God bless and good night.