Can't Wear Skinny Jeans Cause My Knots Don't Fit..

This next post is for you, emo kid. You know, guys walkin around with a pair of jeans made for girls, a bright pair of dunks, a zip up hoodie and some band t-shirt.

For starters, who started the craze of buying girls jeans for dudes? Some guy just walked into his sister's room one day and said "mmm... these are cute, lemme try em on." Then he enjoyed the way his junk was packed in like sardines, so he told all of his friends? Cross-dressing has never been cool (sorry Dennis Rodman), people who do it either have identity issues or crave attention (or are legit insane). I wonder if most of these kids go out and buy their own girl jeans, or if they find a female in trust (sister, emo gf, mom, etc.) to go in and buy them or at least be a decoy. Now, there's even a skinny jean fad with rappers. Though, their 'skinny' jeans really aren't that skinny, pretty normal but for guys who have been wearing baggy clothes and saggin' hard all their lives.. I can imagine feeling confined. Regardless, there's a limit to how loose or how tight pants should be (for dudes). You shouldn't be able to smuggle anyone across a border in your pants and you shouldn't be able to detect the exact location of the man's goods. 

As for your bright pair of dunks... if you don't skate and can't even bother to match them with something you're wearing, just kill yourself. Especially if you just tried to pick the most absurd color combination that ever existed to draw even more attention to your already petty self. Ugh.

Your zip up hoodie and band tee are a staple to the emo wardrobe. You need a hood so you can drape it over your head in shame when people laugh at you in the street. The zip up feature also helps when people ask who the hell the band is on your shirt (because EVERYONE knows it's not a group anyone's heard of, that'd be too "mainstream"), or when they tell you that band sucks. Remember, if you wear a shirt that someone recognizes, has a brand logo, etc... you MUST be a poser like the rest of the "sheep" you tell everyone they are (bla bla bla corporate america... Shut the fuck up, take your speech elsewhere).

Needless to say, take your questionable haircut and possible eyeliner usage along with your emo wardrobe and wander onto a freeway somewhere. No question, you ARE a disgrace. Now go put on music about blood and such, cut yourself a little and have a good cry (as if you need a reason).