F Your Own Life

I don't know who invented this whole "Fuck my life!" phenomenon, but I sure wish I did (so I could beat them unmercifully). I got the whole premise behind it, running with a saying for when things turn sour quickly (usually in odd and ironic ways). Running a website for it that lets people anonymously contribute is amazingly idiotic. After the site was recommended to me, I read through a few and had nothing to say other than "bull shit." These are so fake, I stopped reading after the third or fourth one. Not only are they dumb, but completely unimaginative as well. A few examples:

"I woke up for school and was really tired! I fought through it and took a long shower, cleaned my room, got dressed, ate breakfast and all. Once I was ready to go I looked at my clock and it said 3:22 a.m! FML!"

C'mon now. For starters, how did you just randomly wake up and decide it was time to go? No alarm? I know I ALWAYS check my clock to see if I can squeeze out a few extra minutes. I know some people get up at 5:30 or 6 for school and all, but by the time you're ready to leave it's at least showing signs of light outside. How many people are really that unconscious about budgeting their time? Fake as all fuck.

"Today I was at the gym and my friend was at the water fountain. I walked by and gave him a man slap on the ass. Turns out it wasn't my friend, now I have a black eye! FML!"

Riiiight. So you casually ass slap your friends in public? Even assuming you did make this ridiculous mistake, someone would REALLY punch you over it? Jeez, how long did you think about this one, 5 seconds? I'd love to get kicked out of my gym over a mistaken ass slap so they can keep my money, revoke my membership and call the cops. Oh wait, that never happened, you're a lying sack of shit.

By now you've got my point, but it gets worse. Now the plague has spread to everything. Facebook, Twitter, you name it. Everyone puts up their status (as if more than 3% of your "friends" care) with their FML! on the end. As if their lives are really at all fucked up. It'll be like, "Pulling an all nighter for a test, FML!" or "Doing homework on a Friday night, FML!" To be honest, not only is your life not fucked, but I don't give a flying fuck. Please stop being an attention whore and looking for sympathy from others. You are a sad individual, dig a hole and bury yourself.